Welcome back to the Fan Misery Ladder, where we have Georgia on our minds and South Carolina in our beds.
Next month marks 150 years since some college kids from Princeton and Rutgers took the field in New Brunswick, NJ and played the first ever game of American football. Rutgers did, in fact, give birth to this sport. A century and a half later, Rutgers is doggedly pursuing its creation across the arctic wastes determined to bring an end to this ungodly aberration.
For the second season in a row, the theoretical fans of the Rutgers Scarlet Knights have hit the Ninth Tier of Misery as quickly as any other P5 team. This year they have company, though. It is very difficult to lose a home game to a G5 team that has only one win on the season, but Vanderbilt students are the best and the brightest and they found a way.
The best argument for taking the restrictor plate off this metric is to see just how deep the Knights and Commodores can tunnel this bad boy down. The smart money is on Rutgers – no one can match their consistent and efficient erosion of the human soil – but either way the devil himself will end up with a finished basement out of the deal.
Congratulations [sic] Rutgers and Vandy! Only one of you may have given birth to this sport, but it has eluded both of you ever since you abandoned it outside of that Arby’s.
Let’s take a look at the big board:
MISERY OF NOTE
AGGY IS BIASED PAWWWWWLLLLLLL I owe Texas an apology: you were supposed to be in the Second Tier last week. My maroon colored glasses can’t make that orange out very well and I must have overlooked you [kicks military map of downtown Austin under bed]. Anyway, your reward is that you only drop back down to the Third Tier today for losing to Jalen and his Coat of Many Bad Red Zone Decisions.
I owe Tech an apology for not dropping them to the Fourth Tier back in week 5, but we’ll call it even.
THANK YOU DEAR THAT WAS PERFECTLY ADEQUATE #17 Iowa lost to #10 Penn State by the modest sum of 5 points, resulting in neither team moving at all. This was the midwestern marital sex of college football games – no one was particularly excited, but no one was any more disappointed than usual.
GOING DEEP BETWEEN THE HEDGES The upset of the week resulted in only one level change for Georgia and South Carolina. Is the metric busted, or is South Carolina actually sneaky good? Asking for a pretty concerned friend.
- It’s only a matter of time before Vegas picks up on the #FML and you can start laying bets down, and this weekend the hot money is on Georgia Tech to drop its fifth in a row to a Miami team that is coming off a big win over #20 UVA. Welcome to hell, nerds.
- Tennessee is playing Bama. The Ninth Tier is gonna be crowded next week.
- Not a single team in the Pac 12 is on bye, and 7 of those teams have 2 win or 2 loss streaks. Turn off the lights, put your phone in incognito mode, make sure the neighbors can’t see through the curtains, and prepare to enjoy a little #Pac12AfterDark.
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